High Striver People Pleasing
The experience of people pleasing in high-striving women is often complex and rooted in both internal and external factors — including societal expectations, upbringing, perfectionism, and gender norms. Here's an overview of what this experience tends to involve:
🔍 What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is a behavioral pattern where we prioritize others’ needs, desires, or approval over their own — often at the expense of our well-being, time, and emotional energy.
In high-striving women, this tendency can be masked by ambition, competence, and success, making it harder to recognize and even harder to challenge.
💡 Characteristics of High-Striving Women Who People Please
Perfectionism: Striving to meet internal and external expectations flawlessly.
Overfunctioning: Taking on too many responsibilities at work or home to maintain control or meet others' needs.
Approval-Seeking: Tying self-worth to validation from bosses, partners, friends, or family.
Conflict Avoidance: Sacrificing personal boundaries to keep peace or avoid disapproval.
Imposter Syndrome: Feeling like we have to constantly prove their worth or success is undeserved.
🌱 Where It Comes From
Social Conditioning: Many girls are raised to be agreeable, helpful, and accommodating — traits reinforced by family, media, and school environments.
Cultural and Gender Norms: Assertiveness in women is often perceived negatively, leading to subtle or overt pressure to conform to a more pleasing demeanor.
Childhood Dynamics: Being the “responsible one” or caretaker in the family can establish people pleasing as a survival strategy.
Achievement as Identity: High-striving women often equate productivity or helpfulness with identity, making it difficult to say no or let others down.
😓 Emotional & Psychological Consequences
Burnout and exhaustion
Resentment and internal conflict
Difficulty expressing needs or setting boundaries
Loss of authentic self (over-identifying with being “the reliable one”)
Anxiety, especially around rejection or underperformance
Disconnection from personal goals or desires
🗣️ A Voice from Within
Many high-striving women say things like:
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“If I don’t do it, no one else will.”
“I feel guilty putting myself first.”
“What if they think I’m difficult or selfish?”
These thoughts aren’t just about fear — they reflect deeply ingrained beliefs about value, belonging, and lovability.
🧭 Breaking the Pattern
Healing and changing people-pleasing behavior doesn't mean becoming selfish — it means developing healthy self-respect and authentic relational dynamics. This might involve:
Boundary setting (and tolerating the discomfort that follows)
Inner work (exploring core beliefs about self-worth and relationships)
Saying “no” without guilt
Self-compassion practices